My Nose Doth Grow

I’m not sure how Patricia knew this, but I’m a liar.  Yesterday she publicly announced it on her blog and today I must try to redeem myself with my fellow readers.  You see, I exaggerate and embelish whenever I write.  If I didn’t, my stories would be b-o-r-i-n-g.  So would my blog posts.

As a recipient of the “Creative Writer” Award, I am called upon to follow some rules.  As many of you know, I’m a rule-breaker.  But, I’ll do my best.

1. Thank the person who gave me the award and link to her.  Thanks Patricia.  For some reason this accusation hurts less coming from you than it did from my parents.
2. Add the award to my blog.  See, my nose did indeed grow.
3. Tell six outrageous lies about myself and one truth. (Another variant: Tell six truths and one outrageous lie. YOU, dear readers, get to guess which variant I chose – and which statements are true, as well as which are lies.)
4. Nominate six creative liars–I mean writers–and post links to them.
5. Let my nominees know they have been nominated.

Since I write for kids and we all know that kids are great liars, I’m going to present seven dubious facts about my childhood.  They’re a bit long, but I promise there are no tricks.  Either the whole thing is a lie or the truth.

  1. I once  fell wildly in love with a boy named Tad.  He had gorgeous black hair and didn’t know I existed–even when I fell off the plank bridge of his treehouse from 15 feet in the air and broke my toe.  Sadly, his big brown eyes were for my sister only.
  2. As a kid, I moved a ton–9 different schools before the ninth grade.  Because of this, I also had the pleasure of being a minority and fell wildly in love with Juan and Trevon and Chang.  It wasn’t until a move in the fourth grade that I realized God made “white” kids too–every last one in a school of roughly 300 students.  I thought He ran out of color by the time He hit the Midwest.
  3. I wet my pants in the second grade.  In front of the entire class.  I tried telling the teacher a gazillion times that I really had to go, but she ignored me until it was too late.  When my mom picked me up, I told her I fell in a mud puddle on the playground.  It probably hadn’t rained in months.
  4. I put myself up for sale once.  During a shopping spree, my sister and I both stood on the same side of the shopping cart.  The cart tipped and we spilled out.  Sis got a gash on her arm from those display hooks.  I hung from one by my forehead, right next to the toys we so wanted to see.  Needless to say, the only money that exchanged hands was for the butterfly stitches.
  5. My favorite playground activity was swinging across the rings.  I’d do it so often my hands were calloused and never got blisters.  While trying to impress geeky-looking Daniel, the love of my life, I fell and broke both my arms.  I don’t think I scored many points that day–which is a good thing, because it freed me up to marry my DH. 
  6. Like all good kids, I threatened to run away more often than not.  My mom would offer to pack my bags.  However, the one time I followed through, I did so without my suitcase.  We were hanging out at a huge city park in California when I got angry.  I hid under the tire swing long enough that they called in the cops–helicopters and all.  The very idea scares me silly now that I have kids of my own.
  7. When I was about nine, a bunch of us cousins spent the summer at our uncle’s farm.  The Lord of the Flies freedom we had wasn’t unusual, but getting stranded in the bull pen was.  One of my cousins and I chickened out and climbed into the wire rabbit cage in case the very angry and rather large bull broke through the meager railing.  We was dumb.

So now you get to decide if I’m spinning a yarn 6 out of seven times or if I’m lying only once.  Let us know which story does/n’t ring true and why.

I’ll provide the answer tomorrow, along with my nomination of liars just like me.

Happy Saturday.

14 responses to “My Nose Doth Grow

  1. I’m trying to decide between the brown eyed boy or the broken arms. I think the others are true. I’m going with the broken arms as a lie. I don’t know why, I just am. 🙂

  2. These are a riot, Cat. I knew you’d make a great post out of this award.

    Each one sounds like a great scene (or whole plot) for a kid’s or middle grader’s book.

    I’m going to guess they’re all true except #6. If it had been true, I’d think you would have mentioned the consequences (Did the cops bawl you out? Did you get grounded?).

    • Patricia,

      Thanks so much for this award. I loved writing these and am fascinated by the responses.

      Life is full of interesting stories if we know where to look–or have great imaginations. Good times, this lying thing is!

  3. I’m fairly certain.

  4. Hah, I’m so bad at guessing these things. I’ll give it a try, anyway. Um, I’m going to say they’re all true except for #5 (or maybe #6? No, #1. Argh, told you I was bad at these things). Just because it seems unusual that you’d break both arms from a fall like that. But hey, what do I know? I’m a klutz, and I manage to hurt myself in impossible ways all the time.

    • Mia,

      I hate these guessing games too. I love reading other people’s responses, but I can always seem to justify an answer someway or another. It’s the reason why T and F tests always screwed me up. My brain starts thinking too hard…

  5. 1 is an obvious lie. You don’t fall 15 feet and simply break a toe.
    2. Is an obviousl lie. Schools contain far more than 300 kids.
    3 is an obvious lie. Any teacher would let you go to the bathroom plus the characteristic wet spot would deny that you fell into a mud puddles plus you did not have mud on your clothes.
    4. Is a an obvious lie, you could not support your weight from the skin of your forehead alone and it would have taken far more than butterflies to repair the damages.
    5. An obvious lie, the giveaway is breaking BOTH arms.
    6 is an obvious lie, they would not bring helicopters after only a couple of hours.
    7 is the only one that is plausible.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

  6. Congratulations on the award Cat! Loved your list- I’m still laughing! “Like all good kids, I threatened to run away more often than not. My mom would offer to pack my bags.” Haha your mother’s attitude towards your threat was unique 🙂

  7. Hey Cat

    I am

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

  8. Pingback: Whoppers–or not? « Words from the Woods

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