Daily Archives: August 7, 2010

Worst Sales Pitch Ever

My DH was a Kirby Telemarketer back in the day.  He rocked the house, often securing more “free” carpet cleaning appointments than his co-workers.  He’s a charmer, my DH, and a natural-born salesman.  He could charm a snake out of its skin, then sell it back for a profit and have the snake thanking him in the process.

The telemarketer who called me yesterday couldn’t sell a fishbowl of fresh water to a dehydrated guppy in the middle of the Gobi Desert.  

**Here follows a shortened version of our conversation for the sake of clarity.  These lines are verbatim without the extra condescension smack in the middle of the phone call.**

Him: Can I ask why you don’t want to renew warranty on your 2008 vehicle?

Me: Because it’s still under warranty.

Him, sarcastically: It’s expired.  A vehicle is only under warranty for three years.

Me, losing patience, of which I have times infinity: I would appreciate if you wouldn’t talk to me like I’m stupid.

Him: Well apparently you are.

Yep, he had me.  I simply could not subtract 2008 from 2010 and come up with three years like Boy Genius did.  Thankfully he pointed out the error of my thinking and charmed me right into renewing my warranty.  Not!

Just sayin’, but it might behoove us writers to learn a trick or two before peddling ourselves and our novels to the reading public.

Are you a natural-born salesman or does it take a concerted effort to put yourself out there?  How will/do you handle self-promotion when it comes to marketing yourself and your book?

Got any more What Not To Do stories for our learning pleasure?